Overheard

An official survey polled over 1000 women with the question:

Would you sleep with Bill Clinton

97% gave the reply, Never Again!

Have you heard about Hillary's new book?

It's called It Takes a Village To Satisfy My Husband.

President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" yells the President. "It's this abortion bill, Mr. President. What do you want to do about it?" the aide asks. "Just go ahead and pay it." responds the President.

Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. The umpire walks up to the VIP section and says something. Suddenly Clinton grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her over the wall onto the field. The stunned umpired shouts, "No, Mr. President! I said, 'Throw the first PITCH!'"

Q. Bill and Hillary are on a sinking boat. Who gets saved?

A. The nation.

Q. What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude?

A: "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

One day, Clinton angrily called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office. He said, "Chelsea is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!"

"Yes Sir, Mr. President," the interior decorator replies.

"I'll take those mirrors out right away!"

What did Clinton say to Al Gore about the whole affair?

"Pardon me."

What's the difference between Nixon and Clinton?

"Deep Throat" was just a metaphor during the Nixon administration.

President Clinton to Monica: "I didn't tell you to lie in deposition, I told you to lie in THAT POSITION!"

Realization of from another White House intern...And all that time I thought that humming was the shredder!

The Top 15 Signs Your White House Internship Is Going Well

15. The President lets you ride on "Air Force One", if you know what I mean.

14. Boss not only implements "Casual Fridays" but also "Topless Tuesdays."

13. You've just leapfrogged Al Gore in the line of succession.

12. "Oooh, yeah, baby - I'll make you a White House Secretary... Assistant Chief of Staff... ohhh... Ambassador to Sweden!... Supreme Court Justice!!! Supreme Court Justice!!!"

11. The President has the Secret Service detail your '91 Taurus.

10. After your first "meeting" with "The Boss," you move up 2 tax brackets.

9. As if national publicity, a $1M movie deal, and $10M in Democratic hush money wasn't enough, the Paula Jones Foundation for Homely Women has donated $20K to you for a full makeover.

8. You get to sit on Gore's lap during the State of the Union Address.

7. You know the White House like you know the back of the President's head.

6. Your per diem is bigger than Peru's GNP and your only duty is to keep silent.

5. The first lady invites you on a private ski weekend.

4. The Vice President isn't the only "stiffie" you've seen in the White House.

3. Performance review rated you a "10" in the category "Ability to turn-on the president with your hillbilly good looks."

2. Al Gore's pulse jumps up to 3 when you pass by.

and the Number 1 Sign Your White House Internship Is Going Well...

1. It ain't Keats, but for Bubba, "Shall I compare thee to a Big Mac" is pretty damn romantic.

CLINTON AND NIXON

COMPARED

Major Scandal during their presidency....

Nixon: Watergate

Clinton: Waterbed

The President's biggest fear....

Nixon: The Cold War

Clinton: The Cold Sore

Complaints toward the President.....

Nixon: Carpet-Bombing

Clinton: Carpet-Burns

Their Vice-Presidents...

Nixon: His was Greek

Clinton: His is a Geek.

Presidential qualities.....

Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger.

Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her.

Things the President couldn't explain....

Nixon: The missing 18-minutes on the tapes

Clinton: The 36D bra in his briefcase

Presidential Nicknames....

Nixon: Tricky Dick

Clinton: Slick Willy

and finally, Presidential excuses....

Nixon: I am not a crook

Clinton: I didn't get in her nook