YOU MIGHT BE A LIBERAL IF...

You think the rich can get richer off people who have no money.

You've tried to argue that all of society's problems are based on the fact that McDonald's, by law, only has to pay $5/hr.

If you utter the phrase "There ought to be a law" at least once a week.

If you have ever used the phrase "protecting prisoner's rights".

If you find yourself nodding vigorously and saying "someone finally said it right" during an episode of Oprah.

You call the execution of a homicidal maniac "murder" but call murder "pro-choice."

You've ever referred to the Military/Industrial Complex during a conversation.

You never laughed as a kid, the world was in just too bad a shape.

You've ever argued that "you can't legislate morality", but you push for laws which legislate your morals or values (or lack thereof).

You have referred to the Founding Fathers as "those aristocratic, chauvinistic, lily white, slave owning, land stealing oppressors of indigenous peoples."

You argued that a few more months of sanctions and Sadam Hussein would fold like a rookie poker player.

You know more than two people who have a degree in "Womyn's Studies."

You've ever said, "But look at all the good Ted Kennedy has done for the women of this country!"

You blame things on "The Man."

You've ever called the meter maid a fascist.

You are giddy at the prospect of the return of bell bottoms.

You argue that the Second Amendment only refers to federally organized militias.

You view Jane Fonda as a courageous heroine with strong convictions.

After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed."

You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this."

You know two or more people with "concrete proof" that the Pentagon is covering up: Roswell, the Kennedy assassination the CIA's role in creating AIDS.

You want to buy a Volvo some day.

You believe something because "Dan Rather wouldn't lie."

You've ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "is a victim of Draconian budget cuts."

You've ever argued that with just one more year of welfare a person "will turn it around and get off drugs."

You think John Lennon was a brilliant social commentator.

You keep count of how many people you know in each racial category.

You are outraged that baseball players make millions and the poor clerk at the unemployment office only makes 12 bucks an hour doing such good work.

You believe that an elected official attending religious services is a violation of the separation of church and state.

You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.

You thought that Al Gore/macharena thing was a laugh riot.

You feel that Green Peace is misunderstood.

You think communism will catch on once society has evolved.

You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on "Well, they're gonna do it anyway so . . . "

You've ever asked the question, "How does what he does in his personal life have any bearing on his job performance?"

You don't understand all the commotion about Whitewater, Vince Foster, and selling US foreign policy for campaign contributions. It's just politics, right?

You claim to be anti-censorship and would bleed to preserve the First Amendment, yet you secretly steal and trash copies of Contumacy.